Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Mathew 18: 21)

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:12-13)

I had a very in depth conversation with one of my family members awhile back about this topic. I seem to have a talent, not a good one I might add, for bringing up past hurts. This knack is not a good one, not a holy one, and keeps me down. I think this persistent problem holds me back from being closer to my Lord. It’s not that I bring it up necessarily to the one that hurt me, but rather when talking to others I bring it up that something happened. My dad said it’s my way of healing by talking about it but, my family members thinks by talking about it and saying it more than once, that I have not moved on.

LETTING GO & LETTING GOD…

I have always felt that acknowledging my past helps me to deal with the present and future. But maybe it is not healthy or healing to say things that were done to me that were so long ago or even done just yesterday. At some point there has to be a letting go and letting God take control. This is one of my greatest weakness.

Yes things have happened in my life that aren’t good, that have hurt me deeply. Letting go of these various things is weighing me down. These life changing moments have crippled me causing me to doubt myself. I had lost the ability to have joy and love life. It’s not just the past hurts but the combination of hurts along with my constant health problems that way me down and seem to keep me down. I constantly feel judged by others. If that wasn’t enough, I have this annoying, nagging feeling that I am not good enough. Not good enough for a better life, to be a good friend and I isolate myself from others and appear closed off. I was content to just be in life. I was at a stagnate point where I just existed and I needed to desperately get out of the muddy milky mire that I was in.

Please Pray With Me…

Father God,

Help me to forgive myself for being stuck, give me the courage to break free from these chains that are holding me down. Give me the strength to love always, unconditionally. Give me the ability to forget the wrongs that others have done to me. I want to not only know your love, but feel it deep inside my soul. Fill me with the compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience that only Your Holy Spirit and Jesus can bestow on me. Let me live my life for You and take myself out of the equation. Each day You give to me a new, to start over again, learn from mistakes, how much more I have to do for others so that I can become closer to You. Become more complete as a sister in Christ.

Overflow my heart with the peaceful understanding that I am called to live my life for You and by fulfilling this commandment I will become closer to You. Father, when I sing your songs, I feel so close to You. That is the time I feel Your presence the most. I ask you Abba to help me regain the feelings of Your love, light, and abundant grace at other times as well. Overflow my cup Lord so that I might bless others by my words and deeds. Not by what I say or do, but by what You put into my heart and soul. Thank You Father for never leaving me, always loving me, and giving the ultimate sacrifice for my sins. Jesus, I love You and adore You for seeing my sinful nature and still wanting to die for it. I ask all these things in the precious name of Jesus. Amen!

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